Personalized Scam Reply

Dear Simp,

Recieved communication regarding my dearly departed uncle account number 14-255-2004/utb/t who recently perished aboard Ethiopian Airline flight #961. He is sorely missed by all who loved his apopleptic fits and alcoholic rants and and opium dazes. He was a credit to humanity in that he always used up all the resources and more were needed. Costly litigation, bureaucratic red tape and even govermental interference in perpetuating a continuity of resource use can be avoided. Consumation af our partnership in such a matter can only be strengthened by a show of good faith on your part. I will await further communication from you as to a drop ship of USD100,000 per my instruction which will require your verification. My loyal, if somewhat demented assisstant, Claude Balls, will be the target of a clandestine movement. He savors privacy. Arrangements to help you enjoy retirement are in place at this time (young and female). An additional USD100,000 will be required to maintain the affections of these lovely nymphs. A blank check endorsed by you and assigned to me could alleviate much of the confusion caused by internet finances, and expedite further negotiations. I can only be too grateful to replace my dear departed uncle in a life of wanton lust and debauchery which would be in line with his last wishes. When they removed my dear uncle from the elephant's ass in that disastrous (for the elephant) accident in the Kalahari in 1996, he said that his life passed before and that he did not have much time left. He was a prophet and had not the Crash killed him, either the cancer or his ex-wife would have finished him anyway. Please to send the account number in Togo from which I may begin writing checks to manifest a conclusion to events of a delusionary nature. Your dear friend, Dave F.