Just pokin' fun

Seems innocent enough

No way, you say! Lemme tell you about it. New girl friend, built like a brick shithouse, over 40, gotta have a brain. That ain't necessarily so. Better start at the beginning. I see this fine, shapely ass going by on a bicycle. Found out she was divorced and lived nearby. I'm not shy, so I knocked on her door one day and offered my opinion on her fine, shapely ass, and offered to relieve her sexual frustrations. The conversation was friendly even though the offer was not accepted. I went on my way and most likely that would have been the end of the matter, but you know how those unforseen circumstances can occur. It's a couple of weeks later and I'm just leaving my place to go to my construction job which will be near NYC and I won't be back for a week. I live 5 miles from the nearest town and a car is parked on the edge of the road and a tall blonde is approaching. Hey, it's the fine, shapely ass. Her car just broke and she's stranded. I'm in a hurry because I have to drive four others to the New York City job site and it's the agreed upon time to pick them up. Like I said, "I'm rural," so I live within "neo-colonial oakie architectural guidelines." That means I've got a lot of junk cars, and one of them is just like the damsel in distress's vehicle. I invited her in and called my buddy to see if he could come fix her car. He says "Yeh, thirty dollars." I told him to take the parts off the car of mine and put them on the blond's car and that I would leave the $30 on the refrigerator. I told the blond to "make herself at home, relax and my buddy would come fix her car, and close the door when you leave, because I have to leave for NYC right now, and I left." A week or two later, I'm back from NYC and had actually forgotten about the incident. A phone call turns out to be the blond, and I'm invited to dinner as a thank you for arranging her car-fixin'. There is always the possibility that this could get the wrinkles out of my pecker, so I accept. The food wasn't particularly great, the table talk not particularly exciting, but the pussy was good. Is there even such a thing as 'bad pussy?' This is good because this woman is old enough to have good judgement, and not have the teenybopper in heat mentality which leads to unplanned pregnancies. Boy, was I wrong here, and that is where the story gets interesting, if not barely believable. I thinks myself a smooth talking rascal having suceeded in another seduction. The facts seem obvious. Let's try another set of facts, you know, a different paradigm. The blond is extremely religious, although she pursues her own interpretation of the Bible. She's got Jesus signs in her yard. She remembers that I stopped by her house and offered to seduce her. Her car breaks down in front of my house in the middle of nowhere, and she meets me again, and I resolve her problems. She's been wanting a baby, and this set of circumstances she interprets to mean that perhaps I am the father of the baby picked by God and that is why God caused the car to break in front of my house. Over dinner, I had mentioned that I was divorced a couple times and had helped a midwife deliver my last two kids. That cinched the blond's thoughts. This guy can put the baby in, and get it out. Omen from God, because she also does not believe in doctors and medicine and hospitals. Paradigm, smooth talker getting laid or God at work using omens and signs. Pregnancy follows, and to say I am surprised is not an adequate description. The one thing I really liked about the deal was that I was sure this woman was old enough to keep from getting pregnant and I'm not trying to look guiltless here, just a point of view. She's is expecting me to deliver this baby. It's one thing to help a midwife, and another matter entirely to do a delivery alone. This woman has two grown children, so she's not entirely naive about childbirth. The delivery day dawns and she calls and tells me to come on over and I do. I'm thnking that when the pain gets serious, I'll offer to drive her to the hospital and she'll say OK. She has ordered all of the necessary items for childbirth. Special absorbent pads for the bed, a set of umbilical clips, etc. Lo and behold, a beautiful little blue-eyed girl pops out and everything goes off without a hitch. No problems, no complications, no appreciable fuss, no big mess. Took the baby along to the Town clerk's office to get the birth certificate, because it's not the usual scenario. Town clerk more than a little surprised, but no argument because de facto baby is also present. Yeh, you guessed it, lots more story here. Another time.