My good friend Bill and I took the machine gun on a trip to Cleveland. This is a lovely completely refinished piece with a newly blued barrel, finished stock, etc. Really nice. The day before the trip we had done a little woodchuck (groundhog) hunting. We never hit any, ever! Sure is fun to watch the dust fly and see one of those critters come running out of the dust cloud and disappear down their hole. Anyway, after reloading we scooped up the 28 empty shell casings and threw them in the duffel bag with the gun, and threw that in the trunk of the 64 Chevy convertible we were driving (Bill"s Car). I was intending to have the casings reloaded. We both worked for Kodak in Rochester at the time. I worked color TV research, and Bill worked in the computer center (billing, records, etc.). We rented the upstairs of an old mansion , drank too much, partied too much, chased women too much, hustled pool too much, and as you can tell we were having a wonderful time. To sum it up, anything you were not supposed to do, we did too much of. Something akin to heaven. Fast cars, faster women, education is expensive. We're going to Cleveland, Ohio to visit Bill's old Air Force buddy.He requests to see the machine gun, so it's still in the trunk. We got to Cleveland OK, even though we drove through a snowstorm with a wind that made the car dog track for about 100 miles. Road was slippery , wind so strong that to go straight down the highway, you had to keep the car steering wheel turned slightly to the right. We make it and in decent time, so we thought we'd get a little whiskey before calling Amstutz to tell him we had arrived. The liquor store was having a deal on Beam's Special with four different>Christmas decanters with special designs on the bottles so we bought one of each (that'd be 4 quarts, or possibly fifths). We opened one on the way out to test the quality of the contents. That proved so good that we had hit the bottom of the bottle before we had satisfactorily completed testing. No problemo! Open another, and another, testing completed. Let's get something to eat and then get hold of Amstutz. Good idea, and we pull into a Carol's hamburger drive-in. Woops, Bill's driving is somewhat impaired and it is slippery, and we slide into the nose of a 1960 Ford, ever so gently. However there is a small dent in the hood nose of the Ford (maybe a $20 dent at the time). I barely remember this happening, but we decided quickly that we were drunk and didn"t need any assistance from the local gendarme. We both apologized profusely to the young lady driving the Ford. Also explained that we were drunk, and therefore would be happy to give her a $100 check for the $20 damage, because we did not think that the cops would be sympathetic to our condition, so we wanted to avoid calling them. The mispent sperm of some young Polak said, " my grandfather said always call the police if you are in a accident." We explained again that our offer was a premium because we were drunk and did not want to invite any cops to any Christmas party nor care to try to win friends and influence people associated with the police. Please see the wisdom of our generous offer, take your $100 and buy nice presents. Again, our sound sensing lobes pick up the redundant cries of ignorance, "my grandfather told me if you're ever in an accident, call the police." We suggest that if she insists upon calling the police that we will never pay anything. Same refrain. My memory is fuzzy here. According to Bill, I went to the car, sat in the front passenger seat and went to sleep (passed out) waiting for the cops. The next memory I have is waking up in a police paddy wagon, manacled hands and feet to people on both sides, and looking across from me at 4 others manacled the same way on the opposite bench across the floor of the paddy wagon. I don't have a clue. Don't know how I got in here, don't remember anything about anything. I nudged the guy to my left. "hey, what's going on," I say? "I showed that bitch when I stuck the knife in her!" My manacled neighbor replies. What the fuck am I doing talking to this no good fucker, I think, and elbow the guy to my right. "What's up?", says I. "If I get out of here I,m going to shoot that motherfucker again," says he. Holy shit, what the fuck is going on, where have I been, how did I get locked up in the same box with a bunch of fucking nuts? I really don't even know where I am, and I mean the city. Paddy wagon stops, they drag us out into the darkness, must be the middle of the night , I surmise, but I really have no clue. Suddenly it's as bright as sunshine and I hear. " >Where'd you get the machine gun?" I was caught off guard and casually answered "brought it back from Vietnam." It was then I realized that I was chained up with a bunch involved with knives, guns, mayhem and decided to shut up. It was a TV reporter and the light was lights for the camera and I was about to become a star. "Two contract men from Rochester arrested in Cleveland. Submachine gun, 28 empty shell casings, police dragging rivers," Headlines, TV, you name it, and I don't remember nothing. The worst part, I really don't. I guess the next day, the cops put me in a lineup with a guy who looks like me, and I was in a cell with him long enough to know he was a burglar, and the lineup was for him. I thought they would finger me, like I said, he resembled me. Next, I'm in a line to an office door and who do they bring up behind me but my buddy Bill. I said, "Bill, what the fuck happened." He brought me up to date. Now, mind you, I"ve been wondering if we got the machine gun out and were in a shootout and maybe that would account for why I found myself manacled to a bunch of cutthroats in the paddy wagon. Bill says, "you don't remember getting arrested?! I told him, I don't remember a fucking thing after driving into the hamburger stand." He told me I went to sleep in the car. The cops came, saw 4 empty whiskey bottles in the car, decided to talk to me. Couldn"t wake me up , so Bill says they reached into the car, two cops, one under each arm. Lifted me out and as soon as my feet hit the ground , I swung and dropped the cop on the left with a right to the nose, and put a left into the eyeball of the other. Both cops on the ground, somebody called more cops, when they arrived Bill says they worked us over with billy clubs. Now, they,ve decided that anyone with four empty bottles of whiskey in a car must be bootlegging. They grabbed the car keys and opened the trunk, and we're not drunks anymore, but machine gun Kelly and Alvin Carpis, and they're dragging the rivers and canals looking for some sap with 28 .45 holes. Now, Bill and I are done waiting in line and we go in the door we've been waiting near. Cop with a bandage across his nose and two black eyes, and his partner with one black eye closed shut. Bill says those are the cops I decked. The guy behind the desk is a judge. When he asks what happened, because we're being charged with assaulting a police officer, I told him I couldn't remember a thing because we were snotslinging drunk. I explained how that had happened, and the only thing I knew about these cops was what Bill had told me, and I told him that. The cops sheepishly and reluctantly agreed that was exactly what had transpired, so the judge dropped the charges because there was no reason for the cops to have lifted me out of the car. Things are looking up, see new judge, apparently there are 32 other charges good for just as many years in prison related to the machine gun. That may be why he didn't mind dropping the assault charges. Local charges, state charges, and federal charges. We do not have a clue what we are going to do. Don't know any lawyers, Don't know who to call. We've been in jail three days. Amstutz is wondering why we didn't show up at his house. He tells his wife ,he's going down to the tavern and goes over to get tuned up by his girl friend. She's a secretary to an Italian lawyer named Milano. Amstutz is bitching cause Bill and I didn't show up. She says, "wasn't your buddy's name Flembo?" Tom says, "Yeah." She says, "he's not the one that's been on TV, is he?" Tom says, "what the fuck are you talking about. I've been watching sports." She gets him a newspaper and guess who is on the front page. This is where the good luck begins. The cops say, "hey Fagan, your lawyer is here, wants to see you." What the fuck is this, thinks I? The suit says "Amstutz sent me." They bring Bill in, and after introductions and explaining what happened. To the lawyer, we're not machine gun Kelly and Alvin Carpis, but he'll take our case anyway $5000 apiece and he'll pay any fines, open and shut case. Cops had no search warrant, no evidence gathered without warrant is admissible, no problem. Except that the cops and judge were pissed and they can make you post bail everytime you come to court and we paid a lot of bail. I think about $15,000 in all. When you use a bail bondsmen you have to pay him 15% when you're out of state. The feds offered to give the thompson back, but Milano said it was a trap, they'd be waiting outside with a search warrant. Anyways, it took about a year of going to court to resolve it. The only good note is that the Polish girl never got a dime for her $20 dent, and it's a great story.